In the process of finding me!

I always wondered how much pain a person can bear, and how far can we reach?!

What is our emotional limit? I find it really frightening; the more I feel deeper pain, the more I realize I can handle more! The farther I go, the farther it seems I can go.

In my childhood, I thought there were fixed rules for what we would be; so I did not worry much. I believed in myself and that I was worthy of happiness and everything I loved and wanted. The coincidence helped me to believe it more, and faith is not enough when it goes beyond saying and feeling. I did not study because I genuinely passed without trying. I did not pay attention to what I ate nor counted calories because I never gained weight no matter what I ate or how much I ate. And I did not watch the cars before crossing the road because nothing scary ever happened to me. I believed that I did not deserve the scary things, that I was meant to be happy and safe at all times.

                                                                 

And because doubt finds its distinctive ways to the heart; it entered my heart through that car that suddenly threw me into thin air, and my heart ached before my leg. It entered my body through the extra weight I felt before I saw it, and through my bad grades that made my mother defend me in front of my anger.

The harshest gift a person makes to himself is to feel he deserves nothing but happiness; because when he loses his happiness or has trouble getting it later, he will feel as if the world has deceived him before he realizes that he has deceived himself. Life is not so easy, and pain is a simple term that hides behind it a lot more than you might bear. Patience ends, and steadfastness is a must, not to stay alive, but not to suffer more!